Chidi: This is terrible. What am I supposed to do if he asks me?
Eleanor: I don't know. Kant would say that lying in any scenario is wrong, so if Michael asks you if you killed Janet, you should say yes. On the other hand, snitches do get stitches.
Jason: That is true. I read that once on the back of my boy Peanut's tricep.
Chidi: You just casually cited Immanuel Kant. Yeah, I know we're in a miserable bind here, but this might be the proudest day of my life.
Eleanor: No offense, but that's a real bummer of a life.