Blanche: The fact is, I happen to be very good with sick people. I was once a candy stripper.
Dorothy: That's "striper."
Blanche: Whatever. You know, a volunteer.

Blanche: Well, now I know why Hemingway killed himself. Oh, girls, I have writer's block. It is the worst feeling in the world.
Sophia: Try ten days without a bowel movement sometime.
Blanche: You just sit there hour after hour after hour.
Sophia: Tell me about it.

Rose: You know, there are all sorts of things that people get that they can't diagnose. And then they disappear just as mysteriously as they came. Gustav Ljungqvist got sick from something mysterious, and he nearly died. Well, he did die, in fact. Then at the cemetery, Beatrice Ljungqvist - his wife - kept screaming, "He's alive, he's alive! I can hear him from the grave!" Well, everybody thought it was the hallucinations of a grieving widow, so they sedated her. But when she woke up from her sedation, she told them that he said, from the grave, "We never paid our '78 through '86 income taxes." And his partner said, "Only Gustav would know that. He must be alive." So they all raced to the cemetery, and the entire town started digging like crazy - kneeling by the grave, using their hands even, dirt flying and Beatrice screaming - and when they opened that coffin, there he was, dead as a doornail.
Blanche: What is the point of that ridiculous story, Rose?
Rose: The point is Gustav didn't die from his mysterious disease at all. He lived and recovered. Trouble was, he recovered while he was buried, so by the time they got to him, he'd died of suffocation.
Blanche: I just don't believe these stories you tell, Rose.
Rose: The other tragic aspect was the IRS was waiting at the cemetery to arrest Gustav's partner, Bergstrom. So Bergstrom killed himself right then and there, by grabbing the gun from Sheriff Tokvisten and shooting himself. What they did then was, since the grave was still open, and everybody was right there, and Gustav and Bergstrom had been partners, so they put Bergstrom in with Gustav and had a double burial. Unfortunately, later they found out that Bergstrom wanted to be cremated.
Blanche: Oh, shut up, Rose!

Dorothy: Look, Ma.
Sophia: Wait, I gotta hear this.
Dr. Stevens: It could be functional.
Sophia: Functional?
Dr. Stevens: Mental.
Sophia: Mental! Well, let me tell you something, Mr. 100% Tiptop Mental. My daughter may be no spring chicken, and her jaw might crack when she chews, and she may have noticeable trouble digesting raw vegetables, but one thing she's not is mental.

Blanche: What a waste. Rose Nylund in New York.
Rose: It's gonna be a great trip. You wait and see. You're gonna be cured. And I'm gonna get to see the Big Potato.
Dorothy: I said she was comforting. I didn't say she was smart.

Dorothy: Come on, now. What did you do? You've never been here before. What do you think?
Rose: I don't know how people live here, Dorothy. I mean, it's all very interesting, and everything in the world is here, but it's so tall and so crowded and so noisy and so much. I've never seen so much of everything in my whole life. I went to Bloomingdale's, the store. I swear St. Olaf could fit into it. I went to the top of the Empire State Building. You know what I don't understand? How come the fall didn't kill King Kong instantly? I mean, sure, he was big, but that's 102 stories. You look down-
Dorothy: [crying]
Rose: I know, it was a sad movie. I cried too. Every time I see it I hope, "Maybe this time it'll be different. Maybe this time he won't die." But he always does. It was only a movie, Dorothy. That was really a fake gorilla.

Rose: Doctors don't know everything, Dorothy.
Dorothy: You're right.
Rose: I mean, they think they do, but they don't.
Dorothy: You're right.
Rose: I mean, after all, Dr. Seuss was a doctor too.

Blanche: I'm gonna finish it tonight. I don't care if I never sleep a wink. It's just like giving birth, Rose. Once you get started, you can't stop.
Rose: Actually, you can, Blanche. Ingrid Thurman stopped.
Blanche: What was she writing?
Rose: She wasn't. She was giving birth to Hans and Franz, the twins. And she stopped right in the middle, right after Hans.
Blanche: Well, what happened to Franz?
Rose: He stayed in.
Blanche: For how long?
Rose: I don't know. A long time. They were a year apart in school.

Sophia: Ribs, great! Why don't you just kick the dentures out of my mouth?

Blanche: I just don't know what to do. I don't think there's any worse feeling in the world than facing that blank piece of paper.
Dorothy: Tell me, how much have you written so far?
Blanche: Well, that's just it. Nothing. That's how I know I have writer's block.
Dorothy: Blanche, you have to have written to have writer's block. Otherwise, all of us have it.