Blanche Quote #863

Quote from Blanche in Mary Has a Little Lamb

Blanche: Oh, she doesn't need those classes. I think women ought to have babies the way God intended: strapped to a table, numb from the neck down.

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 ‘Mary Has a Little Lamb’ Quotes

Quote from Dorothy

Dorothy: Maybe there is something I can say. And I want to apologize for this story before I begin. Have you ever heard of a little town called St. Olaf?
Fred: No.
Dorothy: Perfect. Now, as it was told to me - and I have to admit that I wasn't listening that closely - there was this farmer named Nils Nibelung, and he had a pig named Brunhilde, and she won all the blue ribbons at all the county fairs. Well, Nils also had a daughter named Fricka, and she won red ribbons - usually as runner-up to the pig.
Fred: Does this story have a point?
Dorothy: You asked that at just the right time. Anyway, one April, Nils decided to breed Brunhilde - that's the pig, not the daughter - and he chose April because that's when pigs are at their most beautiful and desirable. Unfortunately, so was Fricka. So while Brunhilde and the pig were doing their thing, Fricka and the local pig breeder were doing theirs. God, I hope I got the names right. Anyway, when Nils heard about it, he banished Fricka from his house and his life forever.
Fred: So?
Dorothy: So after a while he lost interest in the pig's company and he ate her. And he died St. Olaf's loneliest man.
Fred: Is that the end of the story?
Dorothy: God, I hope so.

Quote from Dorothy

Rose: Maybe we should sign Mary up for some natural childbirth classes.
Dorothy: That's not a bad idea. I wish I'd known about them when I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do, except scream at Stan never to touch me again and call him every name in the book.
Rose: Rough labor?
Dorothy: Rough conception.

 Blanche Devereaux Quotes

Quote from Hey, Look Me Over

Rose: Wait a minute. If you didn't sleep with any of the men in these journals, then how come it says "Bed" on the cover?
Blanche: [laughs] Oh, that doesn't say "Bed."
Rose: Right there, it does.
Blanche: Oh, silly, those are my initials. Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux.
Dorothy: Your initials spell "Bed"?

Quote from It's a Miserable Life

Blanche: Wish me luck.
Dorothy: Wait. Blanche, why should you do it?
Blanche: Because we'll have a better chance. I happen to be a wonderful orator. And two of the commissioners can verify that.
Dorothy: Blanche, "orator" means "speaker".
Blanche: Really? Oh. Well, somebody else do the talking.