Sophia: Do you remember the first day you went to school?
Sophia: I do. You looked so adorable in that pink and white polka-dot dress. I loved that dress. Even after you outgrew it, it was tucked away in an upstairs closet for years.
Dorothy: You put it away for sentimental reasons?
Sophia: No, your brother Phil hid it there. He used to like to wear it when he visited the firehouse. Anyway, we got to the school and I walked you to your classroom, and as I turned to go you started to cry, "Mommy! Mommy! I want Mommy." But the teacher told me to go, so I did, and I left you there screaming, crying, with the tears pouring down your face.
Dorothy: I guess all kids go through that the first day of school.
Sophia: No, you were the only one. It took a good half-hour to calm you down, but that didn't last long.
Dorothy: Oh. What happened?
Sophia: Every time the teacher turned her back, little Debbie Tanza did something she shouldn't. Of course, her mother was the same way every time her father turned his back. The woman was a real tramp.
Dorothy: Yeah. But, uh, you digress.
Sophia: Right. So, there's Debbie putting gum in your hair, hiding your lunch, stealing your toys when no one was looking. When I come to pick you up, I figure you'll say you never wanna go to school again. But what do you tell me? You love it. You made a new friend named Debbie.
Dorothy: Ma, what the hell does this have to do with it? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. How did you know what happened? I mean, if the teacher didn't see Debbie-
Sophia: I saw. I stood at the window and watched you for four hours, in case you needed me.
Dorothy: You didn't?
Sophia: No big deal. Any real mother would do that for her kid.
Lab Technician: Mrs. Petrillo? I have the result of your test.
Sophia: Thanks. [tears the results in half] Let's roll.