Aunt Helen: Go away.
Philip: [o.s.] Open the door, Helen. It's Philip.
Aunt Helen: I'd give him a blast of pepper spray but I'm afraid he'd just eat it.

Ashley: I think it's so romantic, Dad going to get Mom.
Hilary: It's like in that movie where after a big fight, the wife stays with her sister and the next day the husband buys her something expensive and she returns home.
Will: Hil, that's not a movie, that's what happened.
Hilary: Oh, well, someone should make a movie of it.

Hilary: I am having a terrible day. John Felipe canceled my hair appointment, Kim Cho chipped one of my nails, Moishe ran out of potato latkes and I can see Jose didn't cut the grass.
Will: Hilary, your parents just broke up.
Hilary: Oh, great. On top of it all, now I'm an orphan?
Ashley: Hilary, you're 27.
Hilary: I know. No one adopts anyone over 9.