Philip: Geoffrey, would lay my clothes out for this evening and get some flowers and candy here ASAP.
Vivian: That man is on thin ice.
Geoffrey: I'll alert the fish.

Will: Good morning, Ash.
Ashley: What's good about it?
Will: What's good about it? Who did they just make assistant head counter girl at Dippity Do Dog, huh?
Ashley: Oh, please. I hate my job. It's dirty, it's demeaning, and I have to work for a bunch of ingrates.
Geoffrey: You'll get used to it.

Geoffrey: Sir, there's a Mr. Joe Winters to see you.
Philip: Oh, great. I didn't know he was coming by. Well, he's the head of the Republicans for a Better Society.
Carlton: Republicans for a Better Society? You gotta get me a T-shirt.
Vivian: What's he here for?
Philip: Well, they have this crazy idea that I should become involved in politics.
Vivian: Oh, politics. That's such a dirty corrupt business filled with nothing but self-interest.
Philip: Yeah.
Carlton: Ooh. I've got goose bumps.
Philip: Well, I'm just gonna listen to him. I don't wanna be rude.
Carlton: The mark of a true politician. Tell them what they wanna hear.