TV Quotes

Will: Can we get back to moi, please? I got a part on that soap opera, Now and Forever.
Philip: Oh, please. They hired you, somebody who's never acted in his life, to star in a network TV show. Pppt.
Will: Well, it happens.

Derek: Ah, yes. I'm sorry it had to end this way, my dear. If only my little plot to frame you had worked.
Joan: You mean, you killed Carlos?
Will: No, that was me. That's right, I shot Carlos. And that's not all. I'm the one who shot J.R. too. And I shot the sheriff. But I did not shoot the deputy.
Joan: Do you ever wanna work in this town again? Painting portraits?
Will: No. But you see, I'm young and I'm restless. I only got one life to live... so I got to follow my guiding light and search for tomorrow.
Director: Follow him, camera four. I don't care if he goes to the commissary.
Will: Hey, who knows if I'll wind up living out the days of my life in a mansion in Dallas on the comer of Melrose Place drinking Falcon Crest out of a brown paper bag.
Joan: Royce, don't you care about anybody but yourself?
Will: Sure I do. I care about you. It's not because of those expensive clothes or your fancy jewelry. That big Zsa Zsa wig you be wearing. I love you for who you are. Who you really are. [removes wig] The bald and the beautiful.

Geoffrey: Can I help you?
INS Agent: Are you Geoffrey Butler?
Geoffrey: Yes, I am. And you must be the woman of my dreams. [she handcuffs Geoffrey] You are! Ooh.

Will: Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Raphael de la Ghetto.
[Geoffrey walks down the stairs wearing a dashiki, a giant afro and a pair of glasses with the sun-lenses popped out]
Geoffrey: "Listen To the street beat Hear the sound pound Plug your ears Mask your fears Something weird's going down So listen to the street beat Listen to the box shock Listen, or I'll kill you" [applause]
Ned: That was heavy, man. Let's have another one. Encore. [all] Encore.
Geoffrey: "Cannon to the right of them Cannon to the left of them Cannon in front of them Volleyed and thundered"
Toni: Hilary, isn't that your butler?
Hilary: Yeah. Wow, it's a good look for him.
Geoffrey: "Came through the jaws of Death" [chatter] Silence, you ungrateful children. When you're ready to be quiet and listen, I shall return.