Big Bertha: There he is, Daddy. There's the dirty varmint made me pregnant.
Will: Hey, hey, wait a minute. I ain't make nobody pregnant.
Hatfield McCoy: You calling my daughter a liar?
Will: No, man, it just wasn't me.
Philip: Of course it wasn't. The boy just got to Deliverance.
Hatfield McCoy: Oh, is that so? Fella over at the college says he's been going there for two years.
Will: [whispers] Oh, damn witness protection program.
Hatfield McCoy: Wedding's set for tomorrow at noon.
Hilary: If you register at Tiffany's ask for Richard.
Philip: Oh, wait, hold on. Nobody is registering for anything. Mister...
Hatfield McCoy: McCoy, Hatfield McCoy.
Philip: Now, now, Mr. McCoy, now your daughter is a very, uh... lovely woman and any man would be proud to be the father of her child but you cannot go around falsely accusing people.
Hatfield McCoy: Twelve o'clock. You bring the groom, I'll bring the shotgun. Bring it, Bertha.