Philip: Vivian, tell me something. Do you think I'm getting old?
Vivian: Oh, honey, that's just your imagination. Nobody thinks you're old.
Carlton: [enters] Dad, you know how everyone's saying you're old? Well, I've got something that's gonna make you look years younger. Philip Banks, this is your hair.
Philip: Carlton, I am not wearing a toupee.
Carlton: That's the problem. Now work with me on this. Your clients are going to be at that party Saturday night. You've got to show him a hipper, hairier Philip Banks.
[Carlton steps up on a chair so he can put the wig on Phil's head in front of a mirror]
Carlton: Say, is that Philip Banks, or Blair Underwood? [Vivian laughs] What do you think of this one, Dad?
Philip: I look like Little Richard, Attorney at Law.
Geoffrey: Dinner is served. Dinner is served. A wop-boppa-looba balop-bam-boom.
Vivian: [o.s.] Philip!
Philip: Combing. I'm coming.