Jackie: Hi, I'm Jackie Burkhart, and here's all the news you need to know. This just in. Slacks are out. So, ladies, shave those legs and put on a skirt. Up next, senior correspondent Michael Kelso joins me for a very exciting segment I like to call Slut or Not. Michael, welcome.
Kelso: Hi, Jackie. Ladies.
Jackie: Okay, let's get started. Marcy Cavanaugh.
Kelso: Slut.
Jackie: Susie Rice.
Kelso: Slut.
Angie: [to Donna] Mmm. Hey, could you zoom out a sec?
Jackie: Ooh, Jenny Keene.
Hyde: Partly slutty with a chance of severe sluttiness.
[Angie runs on set and pulls down Kelso's pants]
Kelso: Angie, what the hell?
Angie: Burn?
Kelso: Burn! [hugs Angela]
Jackie: Well, there you have it, America, your first televised burn. Up next, a hard-hitting segment called Girls With Mustaches. Don't touch that dial, Sherry Papadakis.