Eric: Psst! Kid, hey, see this? That's a Playboy. And inside are things beyond your wildest dreams, magical, glorious things. So if I toss it in your book and you check it out for me, I'll let you have a look-see. What do you say?
Boy: You're pathetic. Just go buy a Playboy, you loser.
Eric: Loser? Hey, I'm not the one reading Hardy Boys. For your information, the stolen money was hidden in the grandfather clock! Who's the loser now? [firecracker explodes] [Eric whimpers]