Amy Quote #201

Quote from Amy in Sal's Dead

Amy: This one says "professional wanderer," AKA on her parents' phone plan. Next.
Garrett: I can't tell if I like or don't like candy corn.
Amy: Oh, my God. Is that Kelly?
Garrett: Oh, yeah, it is. Hey, girl. Go get it.
Amy: "Just a small-town girl livin' in a lonely world." Ugh, calm down. [cell phone dings] Oh, no. What? "Match?" I didn't... how... how did that happen?
Garrett: Well, you swiped right.
Amy: No, I didn't. I swiped left, like this.
Garrett: Oh, yeah, you got a little right to your swipe.

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 ‘Sal's Dead’ Quotes

Quote from Garrett

Amy: She saw the match before I could get her phone.
Garrett: Oh, okay, we need to Freaky Friday this. You need to find a cursed object, switch bodies with Jonah, have a whirlwind romance with her, but then learn an important life lesson. Switch bodies back.
Amy: This was helpful. Thank you.
Garrett: You're welcome.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I can't believe this is what dating is now.
Garrett: Oh, you're not ready to jump back in?
Amy: No. And even if I were, I wouldn't be using an app. I'm still afraid of PayPal.

 Amy Sosa Quotes

Quote from Lady Boss

Jonah: It wasn't why I was doing it, but I really tapped into something here. These guys are really freaked out about the acquisition.
Amy: Yeah, everybody's freaked out. It's a freaky time. Just tell 'em to take it down and get back to work.
Jonah: Ah, but that'd kinda just be like a Band-Aid, wouldn't it?
Amy: Yeah, Band-Aids heal things. Why does everybody hate Band-Aids?

Quote from Maternity Leave

Amy: Sorry, you think that a bath bomb is the answer to all of my problems?
Glenn: It's not a real bomb, and-
Amy: Just kill yourself!
Glenn: What?
Amy: Kill yourself!
Glenn: Amy-
Amy: No, you don't get to talk right now! I am so tired! I have slept 90 minutes in three days. The lining of my uterus is coming out in clumps. I have hemorrhoids so big that my doctor looked at my [bleep] and said "Whoa!" Have you ever had a doctor look at your [bleep] and say that?
Glenn: [softly] No.
Amy: I am wearing frozen diapers so that my [bleep] doesn't fall out. Okay?!
Glenn: I know, I was just-
Amy: Why haven't you killed yourself?!