George Quote #391
Quote from George in The Trip: Part 1
George: Hey. Corbin Bernsen.
Corbin Bernsen: How you doing?
George: Big fan! Big fan.
Corbin Bernsen: Yeah.
George: Hey, you grew a beard, huh?
Corbin Bernsen: Yeah, yeah. I'm doing a movie during my hiatus.
George: Hey. You know, do I have a case for you guys to do on L.A. Law.
Corbin Bernsen: Really?
[later:]
George: ...so mind you, at this point I'm only going out with her two or three weeks. So she goes out of town and she asks me to feed her cat. So at this time, there's a lot of stuff going on in my life and, uh, it slips my mind for a few days. Maybe a week. Not a week, five, six days.
Corbin Bernsen: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what happened?
George: Well, it's the damnedest thing. The cat dies. So she comes back into town, she finds the cat lying on the carpet, stiff as a board.
Corbin Bernsen: So you killed the cat?
George: That's what she says. I say, "Listen. It was an old cat. It died of natural causes." So get this, now she tells me that I gotta buy her a brand new cat. I say, "Listen, honey. First of all, it was a pretty old cat. I'm not
gonna buy you a brand new cat to replace an old dying cat. And second of all, Igo out to the garbage, I find you a new cat in fifteen seconds. I say, you show me an autopsy report that says this cat died of starvation, I spring for a new cat." So she says something to me, like, uh, I dunno, "Get the hell out of here", and she breaks up with me. Now don't you think that would be a great case on L.A. Law?
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Trip: Part 1’ Quotes
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: It seems to me that the closest thing we have to Royalty in America are the people that get to ride in those little carts through the airport. Don't you hate these things? They come out of nowhere. Beep beep, "Cart people, look out, cart people! Look out!" We all scurry out of the way like worthless peasants. "Ooh! It's cart people! I hope we didn't slow you down. Wave to the cart people, Timmy, they're the best people in the world." You know, if you're too fat, slow and disoriented to get to your gate on time, you're not ready for air travel. The other people I hate are the people that get on to the moving walkway and then just stand there. Like it's a ride? Excuse me, there's no animated pirates or bears along the way here. Do your legs work at all?
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: It's amazing to me that people will move thousands of miles away to another city, they think nothing of it. They get on a plane, boom. They're there. They live there now. Just, uh, I'm living over there. You know, pioneers, it took years to cross the country. Now, people will move thousands of miles just for one season. I don't think any pioneers did that, you know. "Yeah, it took us a decade to get there, and, uh, we stayed for the summer. It was nice. It had a pool. The kids loved it. And then we left about ten years ago and we just got back. We had a great summer, it took us 20 years and now our lives are over."
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: Talk show hosts never seem to have any idea how much time is left in the show. You know, they're always looking off camera, "Do we have time? Are we out of time? How we doing on time? Anybody know what the time is? What's the time? Check the time?" You never see Magnum P.I. go, "Should I strangle this guy or are we gonna take a break here? Can you stay for another beating? I'll tell you what, I'll bop him in the head, we'll do a commercial, we'll come back, I'll drive in the car real fast, stay with us."