Jerry Quote #377
Quote from Jerry in The Pez Dispenser
Jerry: So we start the intervention. And it was pretty ugly from the get go. He's not listening, he's hostile, he's talking back.
George: I can't do these puzzles.
Jerry: So he starts to get up... Suddenly, he spots the Pez dispenser on the coffee table.
George: [chuckles] The Pez dispenser.
Jerry: He picks it up. He stares at it. It's like he's hypnotized by it. Then he's telling us this story about how, when he was a kid, he was in the car with his father, and his father was trying to load one of them.
George: Well, they're hard to load.
Jerry: Tell me something I don't know. So as the father's trying to load it, he loses control of the car and it crashes into a high school cafeteria. Nobody's hurt but Pez is all over the car. And the dispenser was destroyed virtually beyond recognition.
George: Poor kid.
Jerry: So as he's telling the story he starts crying.
George: What did you do?
Jerry: What do you think? I gave him my PEZ dispenser.
George: Wow.
Jerry: Two hours later, he checks into Smither's clinic. I talked to the doctor yesterday. He's doing great on the rehab. He's hooked on PEZ. He's eating them like there's no tomorrow.
George: What's a three letter word for candy?
Jerry: I can't do those things.
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Pez Dispenser’ Quotes
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: Women put on their perfume in an interesting way. I love watching them do that. You ever notice that, guys? They have their little key, Stratego little areas. [hums, mimics putting perfume on] Places they think we're going. And they always hit this one. [points to the back of his wrist] Women are convinced this is the most action-packed area that could ever happen in the dating world. What? What is that, ladies? What is happening here? Is that in case you slap the guy or something? He still finds you intriguing. [mimes being slapped] "Oh! Chanel."
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: You know, I think Kramer might have been responsible for getting Richie involved with drugs in the first place.
Elaine: What? How?
Jerry: A few years ago, the comedy club had a softball team. Kramer was our first baseman. You couldn't get anything by him. It was unbelievable. Anyway, this one game we came back to win from, like, eight runs behind. So Kramer says to Richie, why don't you dump the bucket of Gatorade on Marty Benson's head. The club owner. So Richie goes ahead and does it.
Elaine: So? What happened?
Jerry: What happened? The guy was, like, 67 years old. It was freezing out, he caught a cold, got pneumonia, and a month later he was dead.
Elaine: Shut up!
Jerry: All the comedians were happy. Because he was one of these club owners nobody liked anyway. But Richie was never the same.
Elaine: What about Kramer?
Jerry: He's the same!
Quote from George
Elaine: When I was outside I ran into John Molika.
Jerry: Really John Molika, they guy that used to bartend at the Comedy Club. How's he doing?
Elaine: He's good.
George: Uh, can we cut to the chase?
Jerry: "Cut to the chase"?
George: Yeah.
Jerry: What are you, "Joe Hollywood"?
George: A lot of people say it.
Jerry: I would lose that.
George: [accusingly] What's that?
Jerry: "Lose that"? That's not a Hollywood expression!
George: ... Yes, it is.