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Quote from Elaine in The Muffin Tops

Woman: I can't believe somebody pulled the top off of this muffin.
Elaine: That was me. I'm sorry. I don't like the stumps.
Mr. Lippman: So you just eat the tops?
Elaine: Oh, yeah. It's the best part. It's crunchy. It's explosive. It's where the muffin breaks free of the pan and sort of does its own thing. I'll tell you. That's a million dollar idea right there. Just sell the tops.

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Quote from George in The Kiss Hello

George: I still don't see why I can't ask her about my arm.
Elaine: She's a physical therapist. She doesn't want to have to deal with that outside of the office.
George: Why not?
Elaine: Because it is what she does.
George: I love these people! You can't ask them questions. They're so mentally gifted that we mustn't disturb the delicate genius unless it's in the confines of an office! When huge sums of money are involved, then the delicate genius can be disturbed!
Elaine: George, you got a little something, right here.
George: [wiping face] These people think they're so important!

Quote from Kramer in The Package

Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.

Quote from George in The Susie

[George is eating popcorn as he watches TV. He doesn't break his concentration as his phone rings and his answering machine picks up]
George: [on answer phone, to tune of "The Greatest American Hero"] Believe it or not George isn't at home Please leave a message At the beep I must be out Or I'd pick up the phone Where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not home.

Quote from Elaine in The Glasses

Elaine: I've got such a headache. Oh, that's another symptom!
Kramer: Of what?
Jerry: Rabies.
Kramer: Oh, that's fatal. You don't want that!
Elaine: [grabs Kramer] I know I don't want it! I don't need you to tell me what I don't want, you stupid hipster dufus!