Jerry Quote #358
Quote from Jerry in The Red Dot
[stand-up:]
Jerry: I was in the men's room the other day and they had the hand blower, instead of the paper towels. You know this thing? I like the hand blower, I have to say. It takes a little bit longer, but I feel when you're in a room with a revolting stench you want to spend as much time as you can.
Dick: The only stench is coming from you.
Audience: Ooh.
Jerry: Oh, wait a second, I believe we have a heckler ladies and gentlemen. Hey, Dick, look I don't know what your problem is. It's not my fault you're back on the wagon.
Dick: It's off the wagon.
Jerry: Well, in the old days how do you think they got the alcohol from town to town?
Dick: I don't know.
Jerry: On a wagon. Don't you think they broke into a couple of those bottles along the way?
Dick: You can't drink on a wagon. It would be too bumpy.
Jerry: They had smooth trails. What about the Cumberland Gap?
Dick: What the hell do you know about wagons?
Jerry: Well, I know enough not to get on them.
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Red Dot’ Quotes
Quote from George
Elaine: Hey, George, did you buy that sweater knowing that red dot was on it because you could get it at a discount?
George: What? Did I what?
Elaine: You did, didn't you?
George: Elaine, I'm... I'm shocked. I'm shocked. Here I go out in the spirit of the season and spend all my savings to buy you the most beautiful Christmas sweater I have ever seen to show my appreciation to you at Christmas and this is the thanks that I get at Christmas.
Elaine: Well, Jerry told me that you did.
George: You told her? How could you tell her? Oh, you just squealed on me? What kind of friend are you?
Jerry: I didn't tell her, you stupid idiot. She tricked you.
Quote from Kramer
Kramer: That is damn good scotch. I could do a commercial for this stuff. Mmm. Boy, that Hennigan goes down smooth. And afterwords you don't even smell. That's right folks. I just had three shots of Hennigan's and I don't smell. Imagine, you can walk around drunk all day. That's Hennigan's, the no-smell, no-tell scotch.
George: [enters] Hello everybody.
Kramer: Hey, George. [pulls George tight] I'm going to tell you what I think. Oh, I know you don't care what I think, but I'm going to tell you. I think that you are terrific. That's all. Mmm!
George: [uncomfortably] Thank you?
Quote from George
Mr. Breckman: No, no, no. I mean authors.
George: Well, a lot of good ones. Lot of good ones. I don't even want to mention anyone because I'm afraid I'm going to leave somebody out.
Mr. Breckman: Name a couple.
George: Who do I like? I, like... uh, Art... Vandelay.
Mr. Breckman: Art Vandelay?
George: He's an obscure writer. Beatnik, you know, from the village.
Mr. Breckman: What's he written?
George: Venetian Blinds.