Jerry Quote #223
Elaine: What are you doing? What is all this?
Jerry: Oh, he's, uh, helping me sort my receipts. I'm being audited.
Elaine: Oh, your being audited? What for?
Jerry: Oh, I contributed money to a charity that turned out to be fraudulent. It's very boring.
Elaine: When was this?
Jerry: Well, a long, long time ago, in a galaxy far far away.
Elaine: I remember you donated to some volcano thing on our first date.
Jerry: Volcano? Really? [turns away]
Elaine: Oh, wait a minute. Don't tell me that that was...
Jerry: Something to drink?
Elaine: What did you think, that would impress me?
Jerry: You've got me all wrong. I was thinking only of the poor Krakatoans.
Elaine: Like you this donation for 50 bucks and I'd start tearing my clothes off?
Jerry: Those brave Krakatoans... East of Java. Who sacrificed so much for so long.
Elaine: Now you're being audited because of it. You see, that's Karma.
Jerry: No, that's Kramer.
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Truth’ Quotes
Quote from George
Jerry: A mental institution?
Kramer: You know what they do in there? Did you see Cuckoo's Nest? They put those electrodes in your head.
George: It's not really a mental institution. It's more like a depression clinic. She went out to Woodhaven and checked herself in. I'm- I'm sick over this.
Elaine: Who told you this?
George: Her roommate. I've driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution.
Quote from Kramer
Jerry: What was I supposed to do? You knew I was on my first date with Elaine. You come barging in here asking me to contribute money for a volcano relief fund for Krakatoa.
Kramer: It was supposed to erupt.
Jerry: I find the whole thing very embarrassing.
Kramer: Well, you know what my feelings are about this. I don't even pay taxes.
Jerry: Yeah, that's easy when you have no income.
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: if this audit had happened to me and I didn't have this woman to help me, I would have killed this man. I would have strangled the life out of him with my bare hands.
Elaine: I don't blame you.
Jerry: Have you ever been through an audit?
Elaine: No.
Jerry: It's hell. It's the financial equivalent of a complete rectal examination. I would have killed this man. Torn him limb from limb, ripped the flesh right off his bones...