Kramer Quote #42
Quote from Kramer in The Heart Attack
Kramer: Boy, they got a great cafeteria downstairs. Hot food, sandwiches, a salad bar. It's like a Sizzler's opened up a hospital! [sits down and starts eating] So, how did you have a heart attack? You're a young man. What were you doing? Are they gonna do a zipper job? Oh, they love to do zipper jobs.
Jerry: Kramer.
Kramer: The really bad thing about the heart is the sex thing. See, you gotta be careful about sex now. You get that heart pumping [pants] and suddenly, boom! Next thing you know, you got a hose coming out of your chest attached to a piece of luggage.
Jerry: Kramer, George didn't have a heart attack.
Kramer: No? That's good.
George: I have to have my tonsils taken out.
Kramer: Oh, man. No! George, we gotta get you outta here. Get out! Right now! They'll kill you in here.
Jerry: It's routine surgery.
Kramer: Oh yeah? My friend, Bob Saccomanno, he came in here for a hernia operation. Oh yeah, routine surgery. Now, he's sittin' around in a chair by a window going, [high-pitched] "My name is Bob". George, whatever you do, don't let 'em cut you. Don't let 'em cut you.
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Heart Attack’ Quotes
Quote from George
George: So, how do you like the way I talked you into coming down here?
Jerry: Don't flatter yourself, my friend. I'm here strictly for material, and I have a feeling this is a potential gold mine. I still think you're nuts, though.
George: All I know is, I've been going to doctors all my life. What has it gotten me? I'm thirty-three years old. I haven't outgrown the problems of puberty, I'm already facing the problems of old age. I completely skipped healthy adulthood. I went from having orgasms immediately to taking forever. You could do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm. I've never had a normal, medium orgasm.
Jerry: I never had a really good pickle.
George: Besides, what's it gonna cost me? Thirty-eight bucks?
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: You know, I tell you, I gotta say that I'm enjoying adulthood. For a lot of reasons. And I'll tell you reason number one: as an adult, if I want a cookie, I have a cookie. Okay? I have three cookies or four cookies, or eleven cookies if I want. Many times, I will intentionally ruin my entire appetite. Just ruin it. And then I call my mother up right after to tell her that I did it. "Hello, Mom? Yeah, I just ruined my entire appetite. Cookies." So what if you ruin... See, because as an adult, we understand even if you ruin an appetite, there's another appetite coming right behind it. There's no danger in running out of appetites. I've got millions of them, I'll ruin them whenever I want!
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: I have a friend who's a hypochondriac, always thinks he's sick, never is. And they, you have another type of person, always thinks they're well, no matter how bad they really are. You know this type of person? Very annoying. "Feel great. I like being on the respirator. Intravenous heart/lung machine? I never felt better in my life." Medical science is making advances every day to control health problems. In fact, it's probably only a matter of time before a heart attack, you know, becomes like, a headache. We'll just see people on TV going, "I had a heart attack this big... but, I gave myself one of these. Clear! And it's gone!"