Jerry Quote #1387

Quote from Jerry in The Wig Master

Jerry: I was thinking about the wig historically. I guess the revolutionary war was the last war fought in wigs. And it seems that it must have been hard. You know, they're going in to battle thinking, "Well, do I have my bullets? Do I have my bobby pins?" You got to make sure you have everything. A lot more to worry about, "What if I get killed? Is my wig on straight?" I don't know when the whole wig thing came in to style for men, but I know when it went out. When the mirror was invented. No guy is looking in the mirror powdering a thatch of horsehair on his head going, "All right! Let's go rap to the ladies."


 ‘The Wig Master’ Quotes

Quote from Jerry

Jerry: Excuse me, I'd like to return this jacket.
Salesperson: Certainly. May I ask why?
Jerry: For spite.
Salesperson: Spite?
Jerry: That's right. I don't care for the salesman that sold it to me.
Salesperson: I don't think you can return an item for spite.
Jerry: What do you mean?
Salesperson: Well, if there was some problem with the garment. If it were unsatisfactory in some way, then
we could do it for you. But I'm afraid spite doesn't fit into any of our conditions for a refund
Jerry: That's ridiculous. I want to return it. What's the difference what the reason is?

Quote from Jerry

Elaine: Ah! Jerry, I've been around long enough to know when I'm being worked.
Jerry: Have you slept with him yet?
Elaine: I just met him this morning.
Jerry: It's been known to happen.. I'm telling you right now, Elaine, this guy's gonna dangle that dress in front of you like a dirt farmer dangles a carrot in front of a mule.
Elaine: Well, this is all very flattering.
Jerry: Like a shark fisherman with a bucket of chum.
Elaine: Okay.
Jerry: Like a shrimp farmer-
Elaine: Okay!

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Well, how do you know he's not wondering the same thing about you?
Elaine: What do you mean?
Kramer: What do I mean? Well, perhaps he thinks that you're working him for the discount. Shaking that little butt of yours into big, big savings. And then when you get it, you know, you drop him like a hot potato.
Elaine: Oh, please.
Kramer: No, see, the two of you need to work on trust. And then, and only then, will there be a free exchange of sex and discounts. The cornerstones of a healthy relationship. And now, if you would excuse us, we need to get to bed.