Kramer Quote #586

Quote from Kramer in The Doodle

Elaine: Did you read the whole thing?
Kramer: Oh, yeah.
Elaine: Yeah? So, what's it about?
Kramer: Well, it's a story about love, deception, greed, lust, and unbridled enthusiasm.
Elaine: Unbridled enthusiasm?
Kramer: That's what led to Billy Mumphrey's downfall.
Elaine: Oh, boy.
Kramer: You see, Elaine, Billy was a simple country boy, you might say a cockeyed optimist, who got himself mixed up in the high-stakes game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.
Elaine: Oh, my God.


 ‘The Doodle’ Quotes

Quote from Newman

Jerry: Newman! Open the door, Newman. I know you're in there.
Newman: [opens door] Hello, Jerry. What a pleasant surprise.
Jerry: There's nothing pleasant about it. Why don't we just cut the crap. You gave me fleas. I know it and you know it.
Newman: Fleas? [laughs] That's preposterous. How could I give you fleas? Now, if you don't mind...
Jerry: Oh, but I do. There's probably fleas crawling all over your little snack bar.
[As Jerry looks in Newman's apartment, Newman frantically scratches his body behind Jerry's back. He stops as soon as Jerry turns around.]
Newman: So you have fleas. Maybe you keep your house in a state of disrepair. Maybe you live in squalor.
Jerry: You know, Newman, the thing about fleas is that they irritate the skin. And they start to itch. Oh, maybe you can hold out five seconds or 10. Maybe 15 or 20. But after a while [waves Chunky wrapper], no matter how much willpower a person may have, it won't matter because they're crawling... Crawling on your skin. Up your legs, up your spine, up your back...
Newman: All right, I've got them! I'm rife with fleas!

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Well, they're in.
Jerry: What's in?
Kramer: The Mackinaw peaches, Jerry. The Mackinaw peaches!
Jerry: Right, the ones from Oregon that are only ripe for two weeks a year?
Kramer: Yeah, that's right. Yeah. I split a case with Newman. I wait all year for these. [eats peach] Oh, this is fantastic. Makes your taste buds come alive. It's like having a circus in your mouth.

 Cosmo Kramer Quotes

Quote from The Package

Jerry: So we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer: It's a write-off for them.
Jerry: How is it a write-off?
Kramer: They just write it off.
Jerry: Write it off what?
Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry: You don't even know what a write-off is.
Kramer: Do you?
Jerry: No. I don't.
Kramer: But they do. And they're the ones writing it off.

Quote from The Pool Guy

Kramer: [answers phone] Hello, and welcome to Moviefone. Brought to you by The New York Times and Hot 97. Coming to theaters this Friday: Kevin Bacon, Susan Sarandon, "You've got to get me over that mountain!" "No!" [bang, bang] "Argh" There is no place higher than... Mountain High. Rated R. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, press 1.
Elaine: Kramer, is that you?
Kramer: Elaine?
Elaine: Uh, what time does Chow Fun start?
Kramer: I don't know.