Jerry Quote #1184
Quote from Jerry in The Doodle
[stand-up:]
Jerry: You know, these pest control companies, they call themselves exterminators but they can't really do it. The best they can do is get the bugs to go to somebody else's house. They just relocate them, you know what I mean. They're bug realtors, is what they are. "I'll think you'll be happy here. There's a lot of crumbs, not much light, um, they usually sleep through the night. So you'll really have your run of the place, most of the time." Nobody really cares about killing insects. Even the animal rights people don't care. You could probably walk into an animal rights organization meeting and hear a speech like, "The only way to stop the cruelty of the scientific testing on animals is - [slaps his face] Ha! Got him! - is to boycott these companies."
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Doodle’ Quotes
Quote from Newman
Jerry: Newman! Open the door, Newman. I know you're in there.
Newman: [opens door] Hello, Jerry. What a pleasant surprise.
Jerry: There's nothing pleasant about it. Why don't we just cut the crap. You gave me fleas. I know it and you know it.
Newman: Fleas? [laughs] That's preposterous. How could I give you fleas? Now, if you don't mind...
Jerry: Oh, but I do. There's probably fleas crawling all over your little snack bar.
[As Jerry looks in Newman's apartment, Newman frantically scratches his body behind Jerry's back. He stops as soon as Jerry turns around.]
Newman: So you have fleas. Maybe you keep your house in a state of disrepair. Maybe you live in squalor.
Jerry: You know, Newman, the thing about fleas is that they irritate the skin. And they start to itch. Oh, maybe you can hold out five seconds or 10. Maybe 15 or 20. But after a while [waves Chunky wrapper], no matter how much willpower a person may have, it won't matter because they're crawling... Crawling on your skin. Up your legs, up your spine, up your back...
Newman: All right, I've got them! I'm rife with fleas!
Quote from Kramer
Kramer: Well, they're in.
Jerry: What's in?
Kramer: The Mackinaw peaches, Jerry. The Mackinaw peaches!
Jerry: Right, the ones from Oregon that are only ripe for two weeks a year?
Kramer: Yeah, that's right. Yeah. I split a case with Newman. I wait all year for these. [eats peach] Oh, this is fantastic. Makes your taste buds come alive. It's like having a circus in your mouth.
Quote from Kramer
Elaine: Did you read the whole thing?
Kramer: Oh, yeah.
Elaine: Yeah? So, what's it about?
Kramer: Well, it's a story about love, deception, greed, lust, and unbridled enthusiasm.
Elaine: Unbridled enthusiasm?
Kramer: That's what led to Billy Mumphrey's downfall.
Elaine: Oh, boy.
Kramer: You see, Elaine, Billy was a simple country boy, you might say a cockeyed optimist, who got himself mixed up in the high-stakes game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.
Elaine: Oh, my God.