Jerry Quote #1010
Quote from Jerry in The Pledge Drive
[stand-up:]
Jerry: There's something very insincere about these greeting cards we send back and forth to each other all the time. They're like these little one-dollar folded paper emotional prostitutes, isn't it? "I don't know what my feelings are, so I'll just pay some total stranger a buck to make up this little Hallmark hooker to do the job for me. So I can go, "Yeah, I didn't write this, but whatever they wrote, I think the same thing." Wouldn't it be better if we just had one card that covered every occasion for everybody in one shot? Just "Happy birthday, merry Christmas, happy anniversary, congratulations, it's a Boy and our deepest sympathies. Signed, the whole office."
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Pledge Drive’ Quotes
Quote from Elaine
Waitress: [to a woman at the next table] Here's your knife and fork.
Jerry: Look, she's cutting up an Almond Joy.
Elaine: I just don't get it.
Jerry: You know, I saw someone on the street eating M&Ms with a spoon.
Elaine: What is wrong with everybody?
Jerry: Look, they're doing it. They're all doing it!
Elaine: What is wrong with all you people?! Have you all gone mad?!
Quote from Uncle Leo
Kramer: Jerry? I have an announcement. Your grandmother is on the line.
Jerry: My Nana?
Kramer: And as we speak, she's generously writing PBS a check for fifteen hundred dollars!
[As everyone applauds, Uncle Leo rushes the stage]
Uncle Leo: She can't do that. She's on a very fixed income. Stop the show!
Quote from George
George: So, what do you think?
Mr. Morgan: A PBS fundraiser? I'm not gonna waste any of the players' time with that, besides the team already does so much promotion for Channel 11.
George: Channel 11? Forgive me for trying to class up this place, for trying to have the Yankees reach another strata of society that might not watch Channel 11.
[George starts to eat a Snickers candy bar with knife and fork]
Mr. Morgan: Uh, what the hell are you doing?
George: I am eating my dessert. How do you eat it, with your hands?
Mr. Morgan: You know, maybe George has something here about PBS.