Jerry Quote #213
Jerry: You hear about that kid that was kidnapped the other day in Pennsylvania?
Julianna: No.
Jerry: He was at a carnival with his mother. She goes to get a hot dog. Next thing you know she turns around, boom, he's gone.
Julianna: Oh.
Jerry: Imagine how sick a person has to be to do something like that. And these people are all over the place. You never know who's crazy, I could be one of these people.
Julianna: [visibly uncomfortable] Have you seen any good movies?
Jerry: Who takes care of your boy during the day?
Julianna: We have a woman. Why?
Jerry: No, no. I'm just saying.
Julianna: She had references.
Jerry: I'm sure she did, I'm sure they're impeccable. I'm talking about the ones that forge them. You know, I think this is really helping.
Julianna: I don't live near here, you know!
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Note’ Quotes
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: Every time somebody recommends a doctor, he's always the best. "Oh, is he good?" "Oh, he's the best. This guy's the best." They can't all be the best. There can't be this many bests. Someone's graduating at the bottom of these classes. Where are these doctors? Is somewhere, someone saying to their friend, "You should see my doctor, he's the worst. Oh yeah, he's the worst, he's the absolute worst there is. Whatever you've got, it'll be worse after you see him. He's just, he's a butcher. The man's a butcher." And then there's always that, "Make sure that you tell him that, you know, you know me." Why? What's the difference? He's a doctor. What is it, "Oh, you know Bob! Okay, I'll give you the real medicine. Everybody else, I'm giving Tic-Tacs."
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: What causes homophobia? What is it that makes a heterosexual man worry? I think it's because men know that deep down we have weak sales resistance. We're constantly buying shoes that hurt us, pants that don't fit right. Men think, "Obviously I can be talked into anything. What if I accidentally wander into some sort of homosexual store, thinking it's a shoe store, and the salesman goes, 'Just hold this guy's hand, walk around the store a little bit, see how you feel. No obligation, no pressure, just try it. Would you like to see him in a sandal?'"
Quote from George
George: I think it moved.
Jerry: Moved?
George: It may have moved, I don't know.
Jerry: I'm sure it didn't move.
George: It moved! It was imperceptible, but I felt it.
Jerry: Maybe it just wanted to change positions? You know... Shift to the other side.
George: No, no. It wasn't a shift, I've shifted. This was a move.
Jerry: Okay, so what if it moved?
George: That's the sign! The test! If a man makes it move.
Jerry: That's not the test. Contact is the test, if it moves as a result of contact.
George: You think it's contact? It has to be touched?
Jerry: That's what a gym teacher once told me.