George Quote #158
George: I think it moved.
Jerry: Moved?
George: It may have moved, I don't know.
Jerry: I'm sure it didn't move.
George: It moved! It was imperceptible, but I felt it.
Jerry: Maybe it just wanted to change positions? You know... Shift to the other side.
George: No, no. It wasn't a shift, I've shifted. This was a move.
Jerry: Okay, so what if it moved?
George: That's the sign! The test! If a man makes it move.
Jerry: That's not the test. Contact is the test, if it moves as a result of contact.
George: You think it's contact? It has to be touched?
Jerry: That's what a gym teacher once told me.
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Note’ Quotes
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: Every time somebody recommends a doctor, he's always the best. "Oh, is he good?" "Oh, he's the best. This guy's the best." They can't all be the best. There can't be this many bests. Someone's graduating at the bottom of these classes. Where are these doctors? Is somewhere, someone saying to their friend, "You should see my doctor, he's the worst. Oh yeah, he's the worst, he's the absolute worst there is. Whatever you've got, it'll be worse after you see him. He's just, he's a butcher. The man's a butcher." And then there's always that, "Make sure that you tell him that, you know, you know me." Why? What's the difference? He's a doctor. What is it, "Oh, you know Bob! Okay, I'll give you the real medicine. Everybody else, I'm giving Tic-Tacs."
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: What causes homophobia? What is it that makes a heterosexual man worry? I think it's because men know that deep down we have weak sales resistance. We're constantly buying shoes that hurt us, pants that don't fit right. Men think, "Obviously I can be talked into anything. What if I accidentally wander into some sort of homosexual store, thinking it's a shoe store, and the salesman goes, 'Just hold this guy's hand, walk around the store a little bit, see how you feel. No obligation, no pressure, just try it. Would you like to see him in a sandal?'"
Quote from Kramer
Kramer: I just saw Joe DiMaggio in Dinky Donuts. You know, I looked in there and there he was having coffee and a donut.
Jerry: Joe DiMaggio? In Dinky Donuts?
Kramer: Yeah. Joe DiMaggio.
Jerry: I'm sorry, if Joe DiMaggio wants a donut he goes to a fancy restaurant or a hotel. He's not sitting in Dinky Donuts.
Kramer: Well, maybe he likes Dinky Donuts.
George: I don't even like to sit next to a man on an airplane 'cause our knees might touch.
Jerry: I can't see Joe DiMaggio sitting at the counter in little tiny filthy smelly Dinky Donuts.
Kramer: Why can't Joe DiMaggio have a donut like everyone else?
Jerry: He can have a donut, but not at Dinky.
George: I don't even like to use urinals, I've always been a stall man.
Kramer: Look, I'm telling- [does a double take and looks at George] I'm telling you, that was Joe DiMaggio.
George: The guy slept with Marilyn Monroe, he's in Dinky Donuts?