J.D.: So I have to introduce Kelso. Big whoop.
Dr. Cox: I don't think you understand the predicament you are in here. Kelso expects a long, glowing testimonial, the kind that make men cheer and women- What is it that women do, Newbie?
J.D.: How the hell would I know?
J.D.: [v.o.] They swoon.
Dr. Cox: Look, if you get up there and start kissing Kelso's ass, all your fellow attendings will think of you as a brown-nosing toady. On the other hand, if you don't pucker up, Kelso will make your life a living hell. You're officially trapped.
J.D.: I'll just say something nice that's actually true.
Dr. Cox: You go do that, and I'll go find God, quit drinking, get in touch with myself emotionally, and we'll meet right back here at half past impossible. OK?