[song "Welcome to Sacred Heart":]
Dr. Kelso: Hello, I'm Dr. Kelso. I'm delighted that you came. So the doctors say you fainted and you don't know what's to blame. Well, put your mind at ease. There's no ill we can't outsmart. On behalf of all who work here...
All: Welcome to Sacred Heart!
J.D.: Our facilities are excellent, you couldn't ask for more.
Janitor: As long as you avoid the bathrooms on the second floor.
Dr. Kelso: This is Dr. Cox, I'll be giving him your chart.
Dr. Cox: And that's Dr. Kelso, the kiss-ass of Sacred Heart.
Turk: You say you burned your hand real bad, we'll fix you up with gauze
Elliot: Perhaps you need your fat sucked out or want a smaller schnoz
J.D.: Hey!
Dr. Kelso: You've caught a STD from some tasty little tart.
All: We swear we won't judge you here at Sacred Here at Sacred Here at Sacred Heart...
Dr. Kelso: One more thing that I should mention if what I heard is true. And everyone appears to be singing to you. Your case is very serious. And we better start. 'cause if you think we're singing, you belong at Sacred Heart.
All: Doctors! Nurses! Patients! Dead Guys! Welcome to Sacred Heart!