Leslie Knope: If you look inside your bags, you will find a few things. A bouquet of hand-crocheted flower pens... A mosaic portrait of each of you made from the crushed bottles of your favorite diet soda, and a personalized 5,000-word essay of why you are all so awesome.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: What's Galentine's Day? Oh, it's only the best day of the year. Every February 13th, my lady friends and I leave our husbands and our boyfriends at home and we just come and kick it breakfast style. Ladies celebrating ladies. It's like Lilith Fair minus the angst, plus frittatas.

Derek: [as an old man] Come here, sonny. Let me tell you about the Civil War.
Ben: Grandpa, leave me alone. You smell like death.
April: I'm gonna get some punch. [to an old couple] Excuse me. You guys are really adorable. It's really nice.

Ron Swanson: Everything okay, Knope?
Leslie Knope: My boyfriend is a lawyer, and he's smart and interesting, and there's a lot of things about him I like. But he acted like a real jerk today. I don't know. There's something about the way he treats people or something.
Ron Swanson: He's a tourist. He vacations in people's lives, takes pictures, puts them in his scrapbook, and moves on. All he's interested in are stories.
Leslie Knope: Huh.
Ron Swanson: Basically, Leslie, he's selfish. And you're not. And that's why you don't like him.
Woman #1: I told you so. It's Duke Silver.
Woman #2: Duke, can I have your autograph? I love your music.
Ron Swanson: You're mistaken, ladies. Move along.