Tom: Mr. Feinstein, Tom Haverford. I'm the organizer of this soiree and I'm also a huge fan of yours. I use all your colognes. Sometimes two at once!
Dennis Feinstein: I don't recommend that. Are you from the FDA? You know, legally, if you're from the FDA, you have to tell me.
Tom: I wanted to talk to you because I actually created my own scent.
Dennis Feinstein: Great. I'd love to smell it, right? [laughs]
Tom: I know you're a busy guy.
Dennis Feinstein: Yeah, man. I'm crazy busy. But all day long, people are pitching me colognes. That guy just pitched me a cologne called Sluts. I'm gonna tell you what I told him. Not just anybody can do this. Although it's a great name, and I'm probably gonna steal it.
Tom: Please, it'll take two seconds. If you like it, maybe we go into business together, branch out in other states, move over to watches and fancy raincoats, open up stores in London and Paris. I don't know. I haven't thought it through. But for now, I want to present Tommy Fresh.
Dennis Feinstein: [laughing] All right, I get it. It's a gag scent. Hilarious!
Tom: As in, "It's hilarious how awesome it is"?
Dennis Feinstein: It smells like somebody spilled Chinese food in a bird cage. Horrible! It's assaultive. It takes everything in my power to not retch right now. Kid, you need to find another game. Leave perfumery to the real men.