Joan Callamezzo: Diabetes. Yuck. Tonight we're hoping the people of Pawnee dig their big, chubby hands into their plus-sized pockets and donate generously.
Martin Housely: [as Johnny Carson] Weird, wacky stuff.
Joan Callamezzo: [whispers] Stop it.
Martin Housely: Coming up, a very special video presentation called "Even My Tongue is Fat: The Story of Pawnee." But right now, to begin with, let's start things off on our telethon with a song. From Pawnee's most bookable personality, Denise Yermley!
[Piano plays "Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)"]