Tom: Jessica Wicks! Hey, boo. Are you aging in reverse 'cause you look barely legal?
Jessica Wicks: Tom Haverford. If you're not the most charming man in Indiana.
Tom: And this must be the luckiest man in Indiana. Sir, it is an honor to meet you. [holds hand out; awkwardly hugs Nick Newport, Sr.] Come here, you.
Nick Newport, Sr.: Tell me straight. Are you a Chinese?
Tom: No. I'm one of the Indian people.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: That floppy old bag of money is gonna be dead in, like, a month. And who's going to comfort Jessica and her millions of dollars? Yeah, Jessica's a gold digger, but I'm a gold digger digger.