Schmidt Quote #840
Quote from Schmidt in Girl Fight
Schmidt: [on the phone] Coach, I need you. Jess and Cece are in a thing, and it is terrifying.
Coach: [lying on his bed] I'm pretty busy, but, all right, hold on, let me put down the stuff I've been working on.
Schmidt: Coach, I am at the baby shower.
Coach: [sits up] You're at the... What? Are you dumb? You're dumb. You're very dumb. Get out of there.
Schmidt: I panicked. I didn't know what else to do. I thought I could fix this. I gave Cece the purse. Obviously, it was a mistake. Oh, God, look at them. They're like silent, angry statues right now. It's terrifying and als... Maybe a little erotic. Okay, fine, it's very erotic. You know what? Coach, I'm telling you-- I'm finding out that fear plays a big part in my sexuality.
Coach: Schmidt, what happens when two passive-aggressive people start confronting each other?
Schmidt: I don't know. What happens?
Coach: Anything! Anything can happen! That's what I'm telling you! Are you ready for anything to happen?
Schmidt: Obviously not. That's why I'm calling you.
New Girl Quotes
‘Girl Fight’ Quotes
Quote from Jess
Jess: Cece just texted me a smiley face.
Schmidt: Is that bad?
Jess: No, she just texted me the world's first good smiley face. I'm gonna text her [chuckles] a yellow heart. No, uh, yellow heart, whale, thumbs up.
Schmidt: Well, that seems nice.
Jess: [gasps] How dare she? Chinese man, ballerina, apartment building?
Schmidt: What does that mean?
Jess: Fine! Poop. Turban guy. Granny.
Schmidt: Don't text her poop.
Jess: [gasps] Explosion, monkey-see? You want to play dirty? Fine. Slice of cake. Turtle.
Schmidt: Don't sen...
Jess: Oh. [gasps] Double syringe? Double syringe. You're right, Schmidt. Maybe it's time to dig up some berries. The gatherers have become the hunters. Be well.
Schmidt: Wh-Where are you... Where are going? L-Leave those berries be.
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: Well, congratulations on having sisters, but I know women. You blindfold me, spin me around and drop me into a rainstorm, and I'll still find the G-spot.
Coach: Schmidt...
Schmidt: Let us not forget that I had boobs for the first 19 years of my life. I grew up as a fat, asexual friend-zoner. You can't buy that kind of access.
Quote from Jess
Cece: What the hell just happened?
Coach: Fight.
Schmidt: Yeah. Now it's over. I barely even remember it.
Jess: I cannot believe you guys handle things that way. I'm starting to think that neither one of you read the Madeleine Albright biography I gave you for Christmas.