Coach: [sings to island beats] Tiny pants man He don't have friends That's why he got the clock He got the clock to watch his only friends.

Coach: Nick? I want to talk to you about your fitness level.
Nick: Of what? My body?
Coach: When's the last time you worked out?
Winston: You know what? I'll tell you when the last time he worked out was. It was the time that he battled his daddy's other dumb sperm in order to make his way to his mama's dumb-ass egg.
Nick: Your burns are getting better, man.
Coach: Just really long.

Jess: Look, Principal Foster, we have the chance to do something really great. Everything's been donated. All we need are transportation costs.
Dr. Foster: [stammers] Come on! That's only the most expensive part of doing anything! You I'm sorry. That was rude. I slept very badly last night. Had a chai tea very late. Had friends in from Montreal.
Jess: Some of these kids have lived in L.A. their entire lives and they've never even seen the ocean. Last week, I asked them to draw what they thought the ocean looked like. I got a lot of stuff like this.
Dr. Foster: Is that a bagel with wings?
Jess: Yes, sir, it is.
Dr. Foster: Extraordinary.
Jess: I'm afraid I'm not taking no for an answer.
Dr. Foster: You're gonna have to take no for an answer because that's just the way it is. Hmm, a shark with legs. That's not even anatomically close to correct. That's just a square, though. Have them start over. That's just terrible.