Jess Quote #1142
Quote from Jess in James Wonder
Man: How about once a week in the dining hall we serve sushi omakase?
Jess: Oh, oh, okay.
Ed: Guys, uh, plenty of time to run our suggestions by her. But I assure you she will be very amenable. She is a principal for the parents.
Jess: Uh, actually, um, no. I-I have to be honest here. I... That's not who I am. I'm not gonna be a principal for the parents. I'm gonna be a principal for the kids. Look, you all love your kids and they're yours to raise, but I'm an educator and I know how to educate. Colby, your son Vince had the handwriting of a Hungarian doctor. And that's why I encouraged him to sign up for calligraphy comics after school. He didn't want to do it, but look at him now.
Colby: I can finally read the captions for his disturbing images.
Jess: And Molly, do you remember how terrified Beatrice was of public speaking in the second grade? That's why I bumped her up to fourth grade debate team.
Molly: Yeah, she made a toast at my brother's wedding. I mean, besides one racist joke, she killed.
Jess: Ed, when I met Samanthia, math was her least favorite subject. Now she's doing fractions and loving it. And yeah, she didn't win a demathlon medal and I know that stung, but it made her want to get better. And isn't that what school is for? Look, I think challenging your children prepares them for the real world. And if given the chance, I think I can help your kids and this school reach its full potential. And if that's not what you want, and I'm not the right fit, then I can live with that. [applause]
New Girl Quotes
‘James Wonder’ Quotes
Quote from Winston
Winston: A-ha! You see this whole time, y'all thought you were having breakfast with Winston, but it turns out y'all been sitting with James Wonder. I'm talking about my alias. See, I'm thinking about applying for undercover work.
Jess: That sounds incredibly dangerous.
Winston: Well, not if I go deep enough into my undercover character. I've been practicing on y'all unknowin' asses. I combined the names of my favorite singers... Stevie Wonder and James Blunt. And I put those together to create a different name as my alias, James Wonder.
Jess: I'm worried you're not the undercover type of guy. I feel like if you had the ability to pretend to be someone else, you would have made that decision a long time ago. I feel like that sounded harsh, but it's only 'cause I care about you.
Quote from Winston
Jess: Okay, James. Uh, let's leave now so I can show you the school's landscaping.
Ed: Wait, actually, I have a stubborn back yard. Uh, I don't want to bring in frogs, but if I could attract frogs...
Winston: Very common situation in our business. You need a well.
Ed: A well? Oh. Well, you need to let me buy you a bottle of wine and pick your brain about all this.
Winston: [laughs] That sounds good, E-dawg. We should... But... but right now, I should get going.
Jess: Yeah.
Winston: I got a butt load of koi fish in the back of my truck that need bonding.
Quote from Nick
Nick: Would you be interested in rubble from old Yankee Stadium?
Schmidt: What, for my rubble collection?
Nick: I'm having a really hard time finding something for you. I thought I was just gonna go on the Internet, but the Internet is so different now. Have you been on the Internet lately?
Schmidt: How drunk are you?
Nick: I remember when the Internet used to just be a naked lady and a bunch of dancing hamsters.
Schmidt: How drunk are you, Nick?
Nick: I literally haven't had one thing to drink.
Schmidt: How many drinks have you had?
Nick: Give me a breathalyzer.
Schmidt: It feels like you're drunk.
Nick: Z-Y-X-N-L-P-A.
Schmidt: You're hammered.
Nick: I'm drunk.