Winston: A-ha! You see this whole time, y'all thought you were having breakfast with Winston, but it turns out y'all been sitting with James Wonder. I'm talking about my alias. See, I'm thinking about applying for undercover work.
Jess: That sounds incredibly dangerous.
Winston: Well, not if I go deep enough into my undercover character. I've been practicing on y'all unknowin' asses. I combined the names of my favorite singers... Stevie Wonder and James Blunt. And I put those together to create a different name as my alias, James Wonder.
Jess: I'm worried you're not the undercover type of guy. I feel like if you had the ability to pretend to be someone else, you would have made that decision a long time ago. I feel like that sounded harsh, but it's only 'cause I care about you.

Nick: Would you be interested in rubble from old Yankee Stadium?
Schmidt: What, for my rubble collection?
Nick: I'm having a really hard time finding something for you. I thought I was just gonna go on the Internet, but the Internet is so different now. Have you been on the Internet lately?
Schmidt: How drunk are you?
Nick: I remember when the Internet used to just be a naked lady and a bunch of dancing hamsters.
Schmidt: How drunk are you, Nick?
Nick: I literally haven't had one thing to drink.
Schmidt: How many drinks have you had?
Nick: Give me a breathalyzer.
Schmidt: It feels like you're drunk.
Nick: Z-Y-X-N-L-P-A.
Schmidt: You're hammered.
Nick: I'm drunk.

Jess: Okay, James. Uh, let's leave now so I can show you the school's landscaping.
Ed: Wait, actually, I have a stubborn back yard. Uh, I don't want to bring in frogs, but if I could attract frogs...
Winston: Very common situation in our business. You need a well.
Ed: A well? Oh. Well, you need to let me buy you a bottle of wine and pick your brain about all this.
Winston: [laughs] That sounds good, E-dawg. We should... But... but right now, I should get going.
Jess: Yeah.
Winston: I got a butt load of koi fish in the back of my truck that need ponding.