Schmidt Quote #1302

Quote from Schmidt in Lillypads

Schmidt: Okay, well, that's enough, Jess. You're sending Ruth straight to Triangles. You hear that? [mimics a chicken] That's the schoolyard chickens. And they're... and they're pecking at Ruth. And this time, they want her eyes.
Ruth: I need my eyes for TV.
Schmidt: Oh, honey, don't you worry about a thing, okay? Daddy's gonna take over now. But the clock is a-ticking, so let's start with a drill.
Jess: No. No drills.
Schmidt: DRILL is an acronym. D: Do it. R : Redo it. I: Imitate what you just did. L: Learn to keep doing it. L: Live the rest of your life doing it. DRILL, DRILL, DRILL.
Jess: Technically, that's an acrostic. [high-pitched] Sweet burn, Jess.
Schmidt: Yeah. You got me. DRILL.


 ‘Lillypads’ Quotes

Quote from Winston

Nick: Then why don't you have the confidence to take the stand? The problem is, is you still see yourself as that 10-year-old boy who fainted the first time you went rollerblading. You rolled right into Lake Michigan.
Winston: That did wake me up.
Nick: But you're not that kid. You're a detective now. Married to the love of your life. You have a child on the way. Unburden yourself, Winston. Now, I'm going to ask you one last time. Did you or did you not masturbate?
Winston: I. Did. Not.
Nick: Damn it, Detective.
Winston: I didn't.
Nick: Detective? Did you have intent to pleasure yourself?
Winston: I did.
Winston: [slow motion] Nick!
Winston: I did have the intent, man. But you know how it is when you're a hot-blooded Chicago teenager, man.

Quote from Jess

Cece: I mean, I kind of liked Triangles. Besides, are we really Lillypads people?
Schmidt: Yes.
Jess: I hope not. That kind of competitive, overpriced private school, B dash, dash, dash, dash, dash, dash, dash... T is the reason why I got out of teaching in the first place.
Cece: What did happen at Banyon Canyon?
Schmidt: Yeah, what did happen at Banyon Canyon?
Jess: You know I can't discuss that until one of four civil lawsuits is settled.
Cece: I know, but what...
Jess: No further questions.

 Schmidt Quotes

Quote from Godparents

Schmidt: Oh, no. Ruth hasn't been signed out. Um, excuse me. Um, have you seen Ruth? Brown hair, smile that would shake the earth, hates peas?
Girl: A white man broke in today.
Schmidt: A... a white man?! No! Well, what did security do about it?!
Girl: Nothing.
Schmidt: Typical!

Quote from Wig

Schmidt: You know, when we first met, I had to pretend that all kinds of things were wrong with you just so I wouldn't freak out. You know, like, I gave you a glass eye for a while. You had a wooden foot for a short period of time. There was one week where I pretended that you were a Democrat.
Cece: I am a Democrat.
Schmidt: [laughing] Ah, that's so funny. I love you.
Cece: Okay. So we tell Nick she has a glass eye.
Schmidt: He'll spin out. He'll think the eye is a government-issued camera taking pictures for Langley. [Cece scoffs] Nick's a conspiracy theorist. It's like an Irish carnival up there-- just potato peels, broken rides, fiddle music, dreams left unfulfilled, bloodied soccer jerseys, bunch of women limping around named Moira.