Santa: Looks like somebody's not so merry.
Jess: Come on. Are you...? [chuckles softly] Okay, um... that's silly. I really want this to be true.
Santa: What seems to be troubling you?
Jess: I just found out that my boyfriend is... is really rich, and there's no way his parents are gonna like me, and he's... Well, have you ever thought that the world is just full of sloths, and then one day, this beautiful lion walks in? Actually, you've probably never thought that way, Santa. Can I just go ahead and call you Santa? Anyway, should I just bail on this trip?
Santa: Hmm, sounds complicated. Why don't you come with me to the family bathroom, sit on my lap, and I'll give you the sleigh ride you'll never forget?
Jess: What? Santa!
Santa: North Pole. Player for life.
Barry: Get out of here! Pervert Santa! No cookies for you here, you white-bearded freak!