Schmidt: [v.o.] Nana wouldn't let me in the laundry room. I think it's because my hands were always covered in butter. And so I went to college unable to do laundry.
[flashback:]
Younger Nick: I'm making jean shorts!
Younger Schmidt: I'm doing laundry!
Younger Nick: Big night for both of us!
Younger Schmidt: Yeah, it is.
Schmidt: [v.o.] As I pulled out my maternity corduroys, I spied a six-pack of Pi-Phis.
Younger Schmidt: I need... um... I need them loose to keep... to keep my sperm count up. You know how it is!
[present:]
Schmidt: Eventually, the window of time when it was acceptable to learn something so basic had closed. I was an adult. It was too late.