Schmidt: Is that the homecoming welcome package? I want to see what picture of me they used. I sent in, like, 20. [Cece laughs] I hope they used the one of me shaking hands with Pierce Brosnan.
Jess: We really ruined his dinner, but it was worth it.
Schmidt: What the hell? There's, like, 100 honorees. [sighs] "An opportunity for various alumni to support our dream of purchasing a new gymnasium scoreboard"? They're not honoring me. They're shaking me down! Of course. The alumni association is run by the same jerks who used to pull this crap on me back in high school.
[flashback:]
Young Schmidt: Every student council meeting needs some pizza. Here you go, Marissa. My treat.
Marissa: Cool. Thanks. You can take off now.
Young Schmidt: [laughs] But it's my house.
Marissa: Mm-hmm.
Young Schmidt: I'm gonna go for a lap around the block, then.
[present:]
Schmidt: The only thing she devoured more than my pizza was my self-esteem, and now she's back for seconds.