Jess: [on the phone] He's amazing. I think he might be an angel sent down to Earth like Denzel Washington in The Preacher's Wife.
Cece: Oh, honey, okay, what can I do?
Jess: In your purse, you will find a white envelope.
Cece: Okay, you, you wrote a letter to yourself, and stuck it in my purse?
Jess: Read it, I need to hear it.
Cece: "Dear Jess, If you are reading this, it's because you're being an idiot and developing feelings for your employee, you ballet-flat-wearing piece of Oregon trash."
Jess: You are so right. You are so right.
Cece: "To have intercourse with the first man hired under your reign would be an insult to yourself and also..." This part's in caps. "...all women everywhere."
Jess: All women everywhere.
Cece: "Did you learn nothing from the movie Elizabeth, you stupid little bitch?"
Jess: No one respects a queen who sleeps with her subjects. I will paint my face white. No man may have me.