Schmidt: Oh, look, it's you and you.
Jess: Is that a cake? Why do you have a sheet cake?
Nick: Don't eat the cake, Jess.
Jess: What is that? Like, vanilla and vanilla?
Schmidt: I just wanted to wish you guys a happy one-month anniversary. Hip hip.
Nick: You said you wanted to break us up. You said you didn't care if it took your whole life.
Schmidt: Look, I understand that I'm not exactly your favorite person right now, but I didn't want a milestone in your relationship like this to-to go uncelebrated. You're really great together.