Captain Stottlemeyer Quote #140

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer in Mr. Monk and the Employee of the Month

Captain Stottlemeyer: So, uh, what, are you going to pop all of these?
Adrian Monk: No choice. You have to press down with your thumb.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, I know how to pop bubble wrap. Thank you. Hey, Chandler, Roberto, get over here. Start popping these.
Chandler: Is there a reason why we're doing this?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Nope. Just keep popping.
Adrian Monk: Hey, I really appreciate this.

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‘Mr. Monk and the Employee of the Month’ Quotes

Quote from Sharona

Captain Stottlemeyer: It's pretty routine. An industrial accident.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, her name was Edna Coruthers. The manager says she was a model employee, first one here, last one to leave. He figured she was checking on a delivery for a customer and, uh, a 42-inch flat-screen TV fell on her. She was killed instantly.
Sharona: That's horrible. Does the TV still work?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Sharona, the TV just killed a woman.
Sharona: What are you going to do, lock it up?

Quote from Dr. Kroger

Adrian Monk: You stole a granola bar. You took a bite and you put it in your pocket.
Dr. Kroger: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Adrian, that- That really hurts me.
Adrian Monk: It hurts me, too.
Dr. Kroger: I am not a thief. I had that bar with me when I went into the store. I- I carry them in my pocket all the time just to keep up my energy.
Adrian Monk: Uh-huh. Yeah. So there's, um there's one in your pocket right now?
Dr. Kroger: Yes, Adrian, there is one in my pocket right now, and I hope I do not have to take it out to prove it to you.
Adrian Monk: I- I...
Dr. Kroger: You know, Adrian, I see this all the time. I work with cops, I work with ex-cops. You... You see terrible things. People lie to you. After a while, you don't believe anything.
Adrian Monk: I- I- I- I- I...
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, you're going to have to make the leap. You're going to have to trust. Otherwise, you're going to be completely alone, and I hope that that doesn't happen to you.
Adrian Monk: You're right. I'm sorry.
Dr. Kroger: All right. Okay, let's, um talk about the case.
Adrian Monk: A woman was killed in the store. Officially, it's been called an accident.
Dr. Kroger: You're working in the store.
Adrian Monk: Yes. It's going pretty well. Mr. Donovan, the shift manager, said he might move me up to register one.
Dr. Kroger: [starts eating granola bar] Mm-hmm.
Adrian Monk: Oh. [chuckles] Thank God. [Dr. Kroger chuckles] Of course I- I knew it. I knew it all along.
Dr. Kroger: Of course you did. Yeah.

Quote from Benjy Fleming

Benjy: We're pouring two jigsaw puzzles out, 500 pieces each. Now we're mixing them together. Okay, open your eyes. Ready Go.
Rudy: Is he a robot?
Benjy: No, he's a person.
Rudy: Wow. What else can he do?
Benjy: He vacuums a lot, and he solves murders.
Rudy: You could sell tickets to this.
Benjy: I know, I know. I want to, but my mom won't let me. He's her boss.
Sharona: Benjy, what are you doing? He's not a toy.
Benjy: He doesn't care. He likes it. Don't you, Mr. Monk?

Captain Stottlemeyer Quotes

Quote from Mr. Monk and the Election

Captain Stottlemeyer: Disher told me that you put the grenade in the refrigerator.
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And then he said you went back and opened it again. You just had to straighten something out, didn't you? I'm gonna ask the Mayor to give you a medal for what you did. And then I'm gonna ask the Mayor to take that medal back. Because you just had to open that door, didn't you?
Adrian Monk: So it's a wash?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, it's a wash.

Quote from Mr. Monk Goes to Mexico

Captain Stottlemeyer: In a way, given what he had to deal with, he was the bravest man I've ever known. I measured everything I did against him. He was my yardstick. I never told him that.
Lieutenant Disher: I'm sure he knew, sir.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [chuckles] I'm sure he did. The son of a bitch knew everything. I want a full-dress funeral. I want the governor there. I want the entire department there with black armbands and white gloves.
Lieutenant Disher: Sir, Monk wasn't on active duty. We can't go full dress.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Adrian Monk is to be buried with honors or I quit. I'm gonna tell you something, Randy, and I'm not ashamed to admit this. I loved that man. [answers phone] This is Stottlemeyer. Yes. I understand. [to Randy] I hate that man. [hangs up] I hate that man!

Quote from Mr. Monk and the Three Julies

Captain Stottlemeyer: What the hell happened? It was only two miles.
Natalie: I took a short cut. I cut across the creek.
Captain Stottlemeyer: There's no bridge across the creek.
Natalie: I know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: There's no bridge across the creek.
Natalie: Yes, I know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: There's no bridge across the creek.
Natalie: Captain, I am sorry. I will pay for everything.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, it's okay. It's insured.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, remember, sir, you did say that any parent would have done the same thing.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Uh-huh. I think I need to be alone.