Captain Stottlemeyer: I mean, we don't even know if a little person can get through an 8-inch window.
Lieutenant Disher: Sure they could.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's awful small.
Lieutenant Disher: Monk, could a little person fit through an 8-inch window?
Adrian Monk: I am proud to say I don't know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Look, we don't even know where this Little Willie person was the night she died.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, wait a minute. We can settle it right now. They're all downtown at a book signing. We go down, we talk to Little Willie. If we get a chance, if it happens to come up, we measure the circumference of his head. Then divide it by pi or something.

Max Hudson: Linda. I don't know the legal definition of harassment, but, uh, this is pretty close.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Mr. Hudson, that's a search warrant. You've been duly served.
Max Hudson: Uh, sure, okay. Knock yourself out. You'll just embarrass yourselves again.
Adrian Monk: It's over, Max. We know how you did it. We know what you were doing everyday at 2:00.
Natalie: You were next door.
Max Hudson: That's right. I was. I was house-sitting. I was watering their plants.
Adrian Monk: Nah, you were training their dog.
Captain Stottlemeyer: We replayed a tape of the show you made the morning your wife died. That was the day you introduced your new catchphrase: "Jangle my tenders."
Lieutenant Disher: "Jiggle me timbers," sir.
Captain Stottlemeyer: "Jiggle me timbers."
Lieutenant Disher: You never said it before that day. Or since. I'm a big fan. Well, I was. Unless you're not guilty. In which case, we're all really sorry about all of this. Although, I'm pretty sure you're guilty. But, if you're not, I'm sorry.

[As Monk shows Natalie and Kevin home videos of his childhood:]
Adrian Monk: Oh, this- This one is my cousin's birthday party. And... there's me.
Kevin Dorfman: Got a balloon there.
Adrian Monk: [about the clown] I don't remember his name.
[On the video, young Adrian asks for his balloon animal to be untied so it's just a long, straight line]