Quote from Ambrose Monk in Mr. Monk and the Three Pies
Adrian Monk: This is my assistant, Sharona. Sharona: Oh, hi. Ambrose Monk: Hello. We spoke on the phone. Adrian Monk: Oh, so, you can dial a telephone. I was worried. I thought you might be paralyzed or something. Ambrose Monk: I wasn't paralyzed. Adrian Monk: I was being sarcastic. Ambrose Monk: You were being sardonic. Sarcasm is a contemptuous, ironic statement. You were being mockingly derisive. That's sardonic. Please, come in.