Phil: Okay. I'm taking off.
Luke: Where are you going? I thought we were going to give a chicken the best day of its life.
Phil: I hate that we keep rescheduling that, but being a realtor man means working on Sundays, like priests and Lesley Stahl.

Earl: Hello, Jay.
Jay: Hello, Earl.
Gloria: I invited him so that you two finally can bury the machete.

Phil: [aside to camera] I am handling the sale of our neighbor Jerry's house. He's selling it and moving into a bachelor pad now that he's officially divorced.
Claire: Which is great!
Phil: Well, I don't know about "great." I mean, you can come and go as you please, I suppose, and maybe see what's up with the U.P.S. girl who's always asking if you work out, or-
Claire: It's great because we have the rare opportunity to choose our new neighbors.
Phil: While still looking out for my client's best interests, of course.
Claire: Wink wink.
Phil: I'm in kind of in a delicate spot, stuck between my wife and the guy next door, but I'm pretty sure I can satisfy them both simultaneously.