Phil: [answers phone] Hello?
Claire: Oh, hi, honey! I've been out of cell range for most of the day. I just wanted to check in, see how you're doing.
Phil: Oh. Great, great. The air, the, uh, the trees... Moss only grows on the north side of trees, right? I feel like I might be walking in circles. Is there something called, uh, fool's moss?
Claire: I don't know. You sound out of breath. Is everything okay?
Phil: No, Claire, I'm worried that a bear or even a family of bears is hunting me. Of course I'm okay. I've only been out here for a couple hours. Uh, uh, what kind of man do you think I am?
Claire: Well, it sounds like we're both having an adventure. I just got on a scale, and guess how much I weigh. 5 tons!
Phil: Yeah, well, we all put on a few around the holidays. Mwah! Let me call you back a little later. Meanwhile, uh, I am sending you a pic of me enjoying nature at my last known location in my very identifiable red Gore-Tex jacket. Anyhoo, leave a check out for the gardener, and you gave my life meaning.