Hal Quote #444
Quote from Hal in Future Malcolm
Lois: So this morning, Dewey tried to go to school in his underwear because apparently the baby doesn't like his wardrobe. The kid is driving me up the wall, and I keep gaining weight like crazy. More than a pound a day. Nobody gains a pound a day. It doesn't make any sense.
[Hal funnels sugar into a carton of orange juice]
Hal: Ah, I know, honey. It is baffling, but look, you've just got to stop obsessing about this weight thing. Let me pour you some juice.
Lois: I don't want any juice, Hal. I know what's going on.
Hal: You do?
Lois: Of course I do. I'm not an idiot.
Hal: I-I'm sorry. It's just-
Lois: It's because I'm not working.
Hal: Huh?
Lois: It's obvious, Hal. I'm not getting the exercise I got with the other pregnancies. With the other kids, I was on my feet all day.
Hal: Th-That makes perfect sense. Celery stick?
Lois: My system must be so screwed up. This celery tastes exactly like bacon.
Hal: Honey, listen to me. Don't make yourself crazy over a few pounds. You look amazing to me. [Lois walks away] No matter how big and round and jiggly you get.
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Future Malcolm’ Quotes
Quote from Otto
Otto: Francis, you have inspired me to new heights. See how I have captured the confident power of your torso, the sheer arrogance of your ass.
Quote from Malcolm
[Reese is eating a jalapeno pepper as Malcolm reads the Guinness Book of World Records]
Reese: [groans] How many more for the record?
Malcolm: Two more tubs should do it. [to camera] There really isn't a category for eating jalapenos, but I think he's probably suffered enough. I'm going to tell him in a minute.
[cut to Malcolm dumping another bag of ice in Reese's bath:]
Reese: [whimpers]
Malcolm: [to camera] I'm so close to telling him, honest.
[cut to Reese running into a wall:]
Reese: [yells] Ninty-seven.
Malcolm: [to camera] Really, I'm going to tell him.
Reese: [yells]
Quote from Malcolm
Malcolm: Anything I want to do, they don't understand. And if they do understand, they just make fun of it. But why should I expect them to be any different than the rest of the world? Let's face it, everyone on this planet is a brain-dead, butt-scratching half-wit.
Stevie: Bite... us.