Hal Quote #388
Quote from Hal in If Boys Were Girls
Hal: Lois, you're not being fair. Every year you tell me what you want for Valentine's Day every year. Now, this year you want me to buy you a present without so much as a clue?
Lois: [leaning over the toilet] Can we discuss this later?
Hal: When? After I've brought home a gift you hate that makes me look like a jackass and you never forgive me? Here, mint or original?
Lois: I don't remember the morning sickness lasting this long.
Hal: Well, you are a lot older. Honey, you know, like we all are. I mean, that's what happens... everyone gets older and older until they die... And can we get back to your gift?
Lois: Hal, you're going to have at least four hours at the mall while I'm shopping with the boys. You'll find something.
Hal: This isn't fair.
Lois: You want to trade? You want to take three teenage boys to the basement sale at Hanning's and force them to try on a year's worth of school clothes?
Hal: No, I'm good.
More Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘If Boys Were Girls’ Quotes
Quote from Lois
[At dinner time, the family are sitting around the table eating a pizza from a box:]
Lois: So apparently, there's a risk of extra blood loss with a cesarean section, but Dr. Howard is pretty sure I can deliver vaginally. He says I have a nice, thick placenta.
Dewey: What's a placenta?
Malcolm: Don't tell him. God!
Lois: Why are you boys being so squeamish?
Reese: Come on, Mom. It's gross!
Lois: What are you talking about? You should be grateful. When you were in my womb, you were feeding off my placenta for nine months.
Malcolm: Okay, that's it. [boys exit]
Lois: I told you we only needed a medium.
Quote from Reese
Malcolm: Lady, we've been waiting in line for a half hour. We have to meet our mom. I'm sorry, but we're next.
[The old woman pins Malcolm against the door with her walker]
Old Woman: Back off, brat! This may be your first sale, but it isn't mine!
Dewey: Let him go.
Malcolm: It's our turn.
Old Woman: Looks like you need someone to teach you to mind your elders.
[Reese pops up between Malcolm and the old lady]
Reese: You looking for a dance partner? You think you can do whatever you want, don't you? That people aren't going to say or do anything because you're "frail."
Dewey: [to Malcolm] Deal's off.
Malcolm: [to camera] All right, Reese is back.
Reese: You want to take your teeth out before we start this, Grandma?
Malcolm: [to camera] Oh, no, Reese is back.
Hal Quotes
Quote from Blackout
Hal: I have Kobe beef.
Reese: No way.
Hal: Yes!
Reese: That's like $60 an ounce.
Hal: I know. I won it in a Minesweeper tournament at work. Years of practicing eight hours a day has finally paid off.
Quote from Malcolm Babysits
Hal: Hi, son. Didn't hear you drive up.
Malcolm: I decided to walk.
Hal: So, how's the job going?
Malcolm: They were jerks, so I quit.
Hal: Well, that's pretty much what work is. Welcome to the club.