Reese Quote #293
Quote from Reese in If Boys Were Girls
Karen Tracy: Hi, I'm Karen Tracy. I was speaking to one of your boys earlier.
Lois: Oh, my God, I'll kill him.
Karen Tracy: See, these kind of outbursts are exactly the sort of thing we can help you with. I'm with the Department of Child Services.
Lois: What? What are you talking about?
Karen Tracy: Look, we're not making any judgments yet, but the department takes the safety of children very seriously. I'd like you to come in for an evaluation. What's the last known address of the boy's father?
Lois: Wait a minute. This is a mistake. My boys are fine.
Reese: It wasn't me. Somebody planted those teeth on me.
Security Guard: These your kids?
Old Woman: I was just trying to buy a slip, and they all jumped on me like jackals.
Malcolm: She's lying. We were just trying to pull Reese off of her.
Hal: Oh, Lois, thank God I found you. Look, we got to get out of here before... [sees security guard and runs]
Reese: [pushes over security guard] Run!
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘If Boys Were Girls’ Quotes
Quote from Lois
[At dinner time, the family are sitting around the table eating a pizza from a box:]
Lois: So apparently, there's a risk of extra blood loss with a cesarean section, but Dr. Howard is pretty sure I can deliver vaginally. He says I have a nice, thick placenta.
Dewey: What's a placenta?
Malcolm: Don't tell him. God!
Lois: Why are you boys being so squeamish?
Reese: Come on, Mom. It's gross!
Lois: What are you talking about? You should be grateful. When you were in my womb, you were feeding off my placenta for nine months.
Malcolm: Okay, that's it. [boys exit]
Lois: I told you we only needed a medium.
Quote from Lois
[fantasy:]
Lois: Girls, don't do this. You're supposed to be easy.
Mallory: No, Mom, you're easy.
Daisy: We can fool you about anything. We're girls. We know how you think. And we're not above using it.
Francis: Mom, Dad, hi.
Lois: Francis, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be away at college.
Francis: I dropped out, but don't worry, I'm working. At the new Hooters out by the lumberyard. With tips, I can pay rent on the trailer and still keep my husband in beer.
Man: Hey, got to go. Cockfight starts in half an hour. You still got to load the cages into my pickup.
Hal: Uh, you know, you could talk to my daughter-
Francis: Leave him alone! You never like any of my husbands. You've always tried to come between us, and that's why I hate you! Ever since you lost all that weight, nothing is ever good enough for you! [girls shouting]
Lois: This isn't right. Girls don't do these things. Girls are nicer. Girls are better.
Mallory: Oh, come off it. Who do you think made us this way? It's all your fault. [girls shouting]
Quote from Reese
Malcolm: Lady, we've been waiting in line for a half hour. We have to meet our mom. I'm sorry, but we're next.
[The old woman pins Malcolm against the door with her walker]
Old Woman: Back off, brat! This may be your first sale, but it isn't mine!
Dewey: Let him go.
Malcolm: It's our turn.
Old Woman: Looks like you need someone to teach you to mind your elders.
[Reese pops up between Malcolm and the old lady]
Reese: You looking for a dance partner? You think you can do whatever you want, don't you? That people aren't going to say or do anything because you're "frail."
Dewey: [to Malcolm] Deal's off.
Malcolm: [to camera] All right, Reese is back.
Reese: You want to take your teeth out before we start this, Grandma?
Malcolm: [to camera] Oh, no, Reese is back.