Malcolm Quote #627
Quote from Malcolm in Tiki Lounge
Malcolm: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the Monte Carlo Night auction. Please gather around. It's a wonderful night and a wonderful cause. I have to say that the members of the North High Boosters have really taught me so much about the true spirit of charity. So instead of the items listed in the program, we came up with some new items, which I think people will be very excited to bid on. First item up: Our own Stephanie Wright has agreed to put up for auction, a photograph of herself from eighth grade With her original nose!
Girl #1: Ten dollars!
Girl #2: 20!
Girl #3: 30!
Girl #4: 40!
Girl #5: 50!
Girl #6: 85 dollars!
Malcolm: Sold! Next up: Wayne Finster, for the right price, has volunteered to read out loud all the notes his mother puts in his lunch every day.
Boy #1: Five dollars!
Boy #2: Ten!
Boy #3: 25!
Boy #4: 58 dollars and 25 cents!
Malcolm: Sold! Next item: Our club president, Phillip, has agreed to show the video his dad took of him crying after he got pulled from the Madison football game.
Boy #1: 50 dollars!
Boy #2: 60!
Boy #3: 70!
Boy #4: 80!
Malcolm: Sold! Wow. Over 200 dollars in 30 seconds. I think we've shown what the Booster spirit is really all about.
Stephanie: That is so much money! We're raising so much money! For an extra 50 dollars, I'll throw in a picture of me from before fat camp! In a bikini!
Girl #1: 50 dollars!
Girl #2: 60!
Wayne: I also have notes from my shrink!
Boy #1: 80 bucks!
Boy #2: 90!
Philip: And my dad taped me singing "Skater Boy" into a hairbrush!
Boy #1: 75 bucks!
Boy #2: 80!
Boy #3: 90! [applause]
Malcolm: Our next item up for bid is me. I will let the top bidder cover my mouth with duct tape every morning for a week. [overlapping chatter]
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Tiki Lounge’ Quotes
Quote from Mr. Herkabe
Malcolm: You wanted to see me, Mr. Herkabe?
Mr. Herkabe: Malcolm, one of the many perks of working in the glamorous field of public education is the constant opportunity to suddenly increase your workload. It's as big a morale booster as the constant chiseling of gum from one's shoes...
Malcolm: You know, you can come right out and tell me how you're screwing me over. You don't have to make a speech every time.
Mr. Herkabe: Be patient.
Quote from Mr. Herkabe
Mr. Herkabe: Yesterday I was informed that all faculty members must serve as advisors to at least one of the school's many clubs and organizations. I've been assigned the North High Boosters.
Malcolm: And you're telling me because...?
Mr. Herkabe: It's coming. The Boosters are only nine members, which makes it a group. We need ten for it to be a club. And if it isn't a club, I don't get my $200 advisor fee.
Malcolm: You want me to join?
Mr. Herkabe: I love it when a victim fully grasps the horror. You have proved a worthy patsy.
Malcolm: I don't want to be in your stupid club.
Mr. Herkabe: It's not a club until you've joined. Keep up.
Malcolm: Okay, what's the blackmail?
Mr. Herkabe: [sighs] Why must you rush these things? As Vice Principal, I write the college recommendations. I've written two for you. One has your complete academic record. The other has your complete academic record and a short paragraph about your personality.
Malcolm: That's not fair!
Mr. Herkabe: The meeting starts at 3:15 tomorrow. Come early if you want spirit cookies.
Quote from Malcolm
Mr. Herkabe: They don't like you any more than you like them. They think you're too lazy and selfish to be Booster material.
Malcolm: You're lying.
Mr. Herkabe: Oh, my God, you care.
Malcolm: No, I don't. They're a bunch of hypocrites pretending to be into charity just to have an excuse to throw parties and socialize and be surrounded by balloons.
Mr. Herkabe: Is this going to devolve into you shambling around the quad come next June desperate for someone to sign your yearbook?
Malcolm: Calling me selfish and lazy? I could raise ten times the money those idiots ever could!
Mr. Herkabe: Please. You're not seriously thinking of "showing them a thing or two," are you?
Malcolm: Shut up!