Craig Quote #131
Quote from Craig in Living Will
Vic Feldspar: Vic Feldspar. Nice to meet you, boys. I'm this one's father, I guess.
Craig: Father? Ha! You pretended not to know me at the father-son picnic.
Vic Feldspar: Sorry I wasn't swelling with pride while I watched you suck the butter off other people's corncobs.
Craig: You wonder why I'm so messed up? It's because from the day I was born, I've heard nothing but four-count Burpees and constant, lisping criticism. Why don't you go back to San Diego and all your macho friends?
Vic Feldspar: I'm not leaving until you seriously think about my offer.
Craig: I don't want your stupid gymnasiums.
Vic Feldspar: I told you. Craigy, the people in Chicago put in a very nice bid. I can't put them off anymore. This is your last chance.
Reese: Whoa. He wants to give you a string of gymnasiums?
Craig: As long as he can get me back under his thumb.
Vic Feldspar: Actually, I'm giving them up either way. It's time for me to retire. I got a top of the line Fleetwood RV. I'm going to drag it across America with my teeth. Son, don't be an idiot. There is still a chance I can fix you.
Craig: I don't care. I'm not going back with you. I escaped, and I'm staying escaped.
Vic Feldspar: Okay, you're obviously hysterical. I've got to start my 30-mile run. That gives you two hours and 16 minutes to calm down. Meet me at Applebee's, and we'll try to discuss this like grown-ups.
Craig: I'll come, but it'll be for the great service and atmosphere, not for you!
Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
‘Living Will’ Quotes
Quote from Lois
Lois: Wow, I remember this: this is Reese's fifth birthday.
Hal: This must be Christmas the same year.
Lois: Oh, he grew up so fast. [holds up X-ray]
Hal: He sure did. Here's Malcolm's first day at school.
Lois: Oh. Remember when we lost Dewey at the flea market.
Hal: Still keeps great time.
Lois: You want to go through the arrest reports?
Hal: I'll pour some more wine.
Quote from Hal
Lois: Hal, do you want Raisin Bran or oatmeal?
Hal: Oatmeal. No, wait, Raisin Bran. No, no oatmeal. Oh, but Raisin Bran's got that crunch. And those raisins. But sometimes you get too many raisins. You don't have that problem with oatmeal. Oh, but oatmeal can be lumpy. But sometimes good lumpy. But, not usually. So definitely it's going to be Raisin Bran... No, eggs!
Lois: You're having Raisin Bran.
Hal: Oh, God, thank you.
Quote from Reese
Craig: Hey, boys, what do you say the four of us have a giant tickle party?! [closes door] Okay, that was just a cover I didn't want to alarm your parents.
Malcolm: What's going on?
Craig: I need you guys to teach me how to fight. There's this jerk who's always picking on me, and I'm sick of it.
Reese: Why are you asking us?
Craig: Because this guy's stronger and faster than me. The only chance I've got is if I fight dirty. And let's face it, your family is legendary for that.
Malcolm: Well, people exaggerate...
Craig: Please, you've got to teach me everything you know.
Reese: I don't think that's such a great idea. I mean, I teach you some tricks, you teach them to someone else, he teaches them to another guy and sooner or later, I'm in a fair fight.